02 Feb Sedona

“More than once”

Me and Sedona go way back, we got history. I have never stayed here longer than 72 hrs but am drawn back over the years having made big life decisions while among these red rocks. Is it the vortex or some overwhelming spiritual vibe? I have never subscribed to all that vortex business, but when you’re standing there it is pretty damn impossible to deny it’s something pretty special. I get why people flock there to hike, meditate, and relax. When you find a place that brings you a feeling of peace, ya want to return!

During a trip to Sedona I was at the beginning of my marriage ending, we were driving across the country (again) marking our 18th move yes, I know 18th move no wonder I was losing my mind, and I had been struggling for years. Big houses, financial security, a good man that loved me in his own way without words, a 9yr old daughter who was the best human created (duh) and I sat there miserable on the rocks thinking I’m driving in the wrong direction. I knew up there nothing would be the same, a month later I was packing up my mini cooper and driving away from that big house for a job on the west coast. No clue what was gonna happen next but finally feeling like a woman in charge of her destiny.

I have to skip family details of our October trip to Sedona, but it was the first time Carlos and I visited together. Without planning to do so, we got off the highway on our way back to CA from Mississippi and drove to Sedona, we stayed only 24hrs and were able to go for a short hike, and it was healing exactly what we needed. A week later our airstream was delivered, and things started to get very interesting for us.

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December arrives and we are headed to Colorado for the holidays, with our airstream now planning to boondock for the first time off the beautiful Loy Butte rd area. I look back and shake my head at those pictures of me, it’s not me there. I am pretty broken when we arrive, in a funk I can’t shake, my boss has recently told me to my face things like since we have had to work from home I have been useless (a couple family medical emergencies took me out of state) he’d mentioned maybe it’s “time for me to leave” and “this is a young person’s game” I was feeling ashamed and embarrassed, unworthy as a wife no confidence, and suicidal thoughts on the regular. We got some great photos, stayed out there two nights, and I laid out there in the desert and stared at all those stars praying to that Christmas star. There was a shift, I started to open up to Carlos and engage in the conversation I was too afraid to face up to. The job at Google is killing me, I gotta walk away. That decision doesn’t happen yet.

Christmas was spent in Colorado with my ex-husband’s family and our daughter, still my favorite human;)  Yep, we are all one big well adjusted happy family! Getting space between me and California/Google was starting to bring me back to life, on our way home towards California I could feel the foreboding.  Our wedding anniversary is on NYE and on our way back west Carlos decided on Sedona, why not? Early on NYE we began discussions again during a hike to Devils Bridge  it’s time for me to walk away, what does that look like, how could we afford it?  It was at the top, as we sat there I knew. It’ll be okay, it’s time, I’ll never look at that man again, or allow any person to make me feel like that again. I was DONE. Hot damn that felt amazing, really amazing, there was no looking back after that night.

Here is a link to the lovely campsite Lo Lo Mia Springs campground where you’ll have zero cell service of any kind, tucked beneath the trees fed by the only springs in this Sedona desert, and be lulled to sleep by the bubbling river outside your windows to enjoy the best sleep of your life.