02 Mar How this new chapter began

In December I found myself age 48 weeping uncontrollably as I hiked, not aware or caring if others saw or stared as I passed by them on the trail. I could feel it, this was rock bottom, that term heard in movies or when speaking about addiction, guess you don’t really know “until you know”. Life seemed impossible, I was no longer able to see the beauty around me or a future ahead of me. There was simply no way out of this dark hole, and I could not find a reason to live. I had been convinced by my boss that I was a failure at work, a career that I had been a success in creating for 9yrs. My only child was in college and at that moment a mess, creating a feeling of total failure there as well. My perfect marriage and relationship with the most incredible human I know, I couldn’t see that anymore either, I felt no sense of worth and loving yourself is the only way to feel the love of others. Which I clearly didn’t feel.

I know, I know, very dramatic I hear myself as I type, and it all seems impossible now. I’m typing this from a folding chair next to my airstream, which is for the moment parked on a ranch filled with incredible people, feeling the sunshine color my arms. What if I would have missed this moment!? Please, just know this, if your life looks perfect to everyone around you, and you’re hurting I feel you. I get it. I am not interested in putting “perfect content” out into the universe to create a feeling of envy or an image of an unobtainable lifestyle. It’s just me, having the balls to live a life I’m now proud of and paying attention to who I surround myself with.

I will do work I enjoy for a living, and those people I choose to work with or let into my life now are individuals I respect, trust and value. Lifes too short and too good to let a paycheck determine your happiness and no other person on earth other than you should determine your worth!